If you have followed me for a little while, then you know that sometimes I like to just take time out and talk about life and books outside of reviewing. If you notice in the title of this post, I have added podcasting to my repetoire.
Life for most of the year has been an unbelievable shit storm for me, as it has been for most of the world. I knew for sure that 2020 would be my year. A new year? A new decade? What could be better than that? The ultimate form of a clean slate. However, 2020 had other plans in mind including a pandemic, living under a tyrannical president, and last but MOST DEFINITELY not least the fear of living while being black.
Books and reading are usually a form of escape for me but this year it has been different and I think that is due to the book community. I never knew that this community could become so political and I am not even talking literal politics. I am talking about the politics of the book world. I come to the book world to escape the politics of the real world, but too often lately I am finding myself witnessing some of the most ridiculous things. There is a lack of decorum when it comes to certain things. So many people are practically tap dancing for these publishers just to get a free book.
One thing about myself that is that what you see is what you get. I have made some minor changes since first starting but those have been changes that reflect my growth not overshadow my individuality or personality. Some people will do anything for clout and they are clogging up the feeds with utter nonsense. Where has the love of books and reading gone? Is it the pandemic that has made everyone go mad? I would like to think so, but deep down inside I know that is not true. Folks just want to be out here acting a damn fool for no good reason.
I also notice that some people think bringing more color onto their bookshelves will make them better people and that is not true. People need to understand that no matter how many books are read by people of color, the book world is not going to change the real world that we are in. That closing the pages of these books and saying how much more they understand isn’t making this world a better place. People also have to realize that you have to give folks room, space, and time to change. It is not something that is going to happen overnight and they don’t need to be criticized at every chance. Look how long it took for slavery to end, for black people to gain civil rights. Yet, we are still being treated like nothing and we are out here being killed. Those black squares and those readalongs of books hasn’t changed anything but follower counts. Both positively and negatively. Now, I won’t sit here and say that people are not out here doing anything because some are, not many but a few. And I thank them for that because we need all that we can get right now.
Let me talk about my podcast. I had been talking about starting my own podcast for a while so when George Floyd was murdered and some people I considered colleagues showed their true colors, I knew it was time to do my own thing. I am so happy that I did. I have been having a great time talking to fellow booklovers about books and life. I was on a roll when real life hit me and hit me hard. I had to take a moment and step back. But I am slowly getting back into it.
Another thing that I have noticed this year is the sheer amount of people suffering from depression and anxiety. I am one of those people. I am here to tell you that just because someone is posting on their page or participating in chats, doesn’t mean that they are not suffering. I found myself spiraling faster than I could keep up. Things are getting better but I am still not where I want or need to be. I sat and thought about the last time I was just genuinely happy and it has been about 3 years. The other day my dad said that he was glad to see me happy and I had to tell him that he was just seeing me on one of my few good days and that I still had a long road to go. It hurt me to tell him that but he needed to know the truth. The example I gave him so that he could understand the seriousness of someone suffering from mental illness even if their life seems all put together is Robin Williams. I think that just maybe he understood or we at least had a breakthrough momentarily. These days I take what I can get.
I chose that picture for this post for a reason. If you look closely and really know me, you know that is not just a resting bitch face. My eyes are dead. Void of all emotion. I look plain tired and beatdown even with the little bit of makeup. I believe that is how most of us are trying to survive right now.
Find your strength, stay strong. Find your happiness, hold on to it. MAKE SURE YOU VOTE! And if you really care about people, check on your friends and family. Sometimes you may need to check on a stranger too.